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Transcript:
The frustration of caring for an aging parent with dementia is a difficult task for many children. Those afflicted with this disease become easily confused, agitated and can often forget the greatest moments of their lives. In this report, meet a man who used his unique view of the world to turn what is often seen as a negative into a positive.
"I realized, I think, unconsciously, this was a really incredible time. This was a gift to have with my father, even though it was incredibly painful and it was a really hard thing to do. I just wanted to remember it, and I wanted to remember the things he said and how he looked and how much we loved each other," said Phillip Toledano.
Following the sudden death of his mother in 2006, Toledano became the sole caretaker of his father. That's when a harsh reality about his dementia set in.
"Every 15 or 20 minutes, he'd say, 'Where's your mother?' And I'd say, 'We took her to, I took you to the hospital, I took you to the funeral. Don't you remember, she died last week, or three days ago.' Whatever it was. Every time I'd say this to him, he'd say, 'What are you talking about? Why didn't no one ever tell me?' And so, it was this horrifying thing, and it was incredibly excruciating for me and terribly painful for him," Toledano said.
For the last three years of his father's life, Phillip Toledano documented his changing state online. (Credit: FOX)
The pain of moments like that drove Toledano to find an outlet. For the last three years of his father's life, the photographer documented his changing state on DaysWithMyFather.com.
"He didn't really retain anything he read. He would probably read the same page a couple of times, but it was the thing he would do my entire life was sit down in that chair and read the paper," said Toledano. "Such a lovely thing for me to see because it really was as though everything was totally normal. I mean, it was, as I say on the Web site, I could almost kid myself that my mom had just gone out to get some milk or eggs and she was going to be right back. And that was a lovely thing."
"The interesting thing about taking care of my father is that I just discovered all these aspects to him that I'd never. He was really funny, and I didn't really remember him as a kid being a funny person," Toledano said. "He made the most incredible, such amazingly sophisticated word plays all the time."
Playing on words himself, Toledano started changing his dad's reality to help them both cope and enjoy the best possible life together.
"Eventually, I just ended up saying my mom was in Paris taking care of her sick brother or I'd say, 'She's running a circus,' and I'd sort of do the lion (tamer), putting the head in the lion's mouth or the trapeze act or, you know, and we'd start laughing," said Toledano.
Nearly a million people have laughed and cried along with them on the Web site. A Web site Toledano launched for himself, never realizing anyone would find comfort in his story.
"I get e-mails from people saying I haven't spoken to my dad in ten years. I'm going to call him up. And that's an incredible thing. I mean, it really gives me the chills... when I say that because I do a lot of art projects, but to do one that can make someone reconnect with their dad who they've not spoken to in ten years is an incredible thing for me," Toledano said.
Toledano's father died last March about a week after his 99th birthday. "Days with My Father" will be published as a book this May.
Camp Building Bridges completed its first successful program at Camp Classen in Davis, Oklahoma. "An awesome group of ten young teens," caregiving for parents or grandparents with dementia, made it a groundbreaking achievement.
