Week of February 3 - February 9, 2008

Rather than trying to do everything themselves, most caregivers of an ill or elderly loved one eventually learn to be successful “care managers.” Those who don’t delegate various tasks through taking advantage of services offered by their community, friends, or other family members usually suffer extreme stress. They can burn out quickly. Many actually become ill themselves.

Primary caregivers must not isolate or take on all the caregiving chores single handedly. The results can be devastating for everyone involved — especially the care recipients. A primary caregiver is usually the spouse or adult child of a loved one needing help with the activities of daily living. He or she makes the important decisions regarding the care, is generally closest to the care recipient, and therefore knows the care recipient the best. 

The primary caregiver is most likely the one who has been given Full Durable Power of Attorney and has been named in the loved one’s Health Care Directive as the one to make decisions if the patient is unable to do so. In other words, the primary caregiver is definitely the advocate for their loved one. However, it is often difficult for primary caregivers to realize that doesn’t mean they have to do everything for their loved ones themselves. Delegating certain tasks can help maintain everyone’s well-being. 

Knowing what the local community offers in services such as home companions, in-home health care, housekeeping, respite opportunities, and adult day care is essential. Equally important is responding to friends and/or family members who say, “Just let us know if we can do something.” This may be difficult at first but caregivers must learn how to utilize these offers. The best way is by being specific. 

If you are a caregiver, identify a need you have and ask the person offering assistance to be honest with you. Do they feel comfortable and capable helping in that area? If you want someone to stay alone with your loved one so you can shop or run an errand by yourself, it’s a good idea to spend some time together beforehand — the helper, you, and your loved one. This provides the opportunity for the two of them to get comfortable with one another first while you are around. And, you’ll be able to observe the chemistry between them. 

You may need someone to do household repairs and upkeep that you don’t have time for anymore. Don’t be embarrassed to ask a friend or family member to take over some indoor or outdoor chores for you. Your faith community can also be a good resource. Youth groups are often available for outdoor projects. It’s a good idea to keep a log of help rendered. Include the results and the helpers’ telephone numbers. You’ll know whom to call upon again — and whom not to. 

Many primary caregivers tell us they often lose friends during the caregiving experience. We believe people really want to help, but they just don’t know how. We offer a short presentation to faith communities and service organizations titled: “How To Be a Friend To An Alzheimer’s Caregiver.”

We also facilitate a two-hour workshop for caregivers titled: “A Breath of Fresh Air.” It guides the participants through a ten-page workbook intended to help them find a healthy and workable balance in their caregiving roles. These presentations are intended for those caring for loved ones who are memory-impaired and/or suffer from a form of dementia of the Alzheimer’s type, but many of the principles can apply to caregiving in general. Let us know if we can help you or your organization.

More information:

This article originally appeared in Lyn and Bill Roche’s newspaper column Boomers & Beyond. They helped care for Lyn’s dad and Bill’s mom. Both had Alzheimer’s. Lyn was also the primary caregiver for her frail grandmother who did not have dementia. Lyn is the author of Coping With Caring and they co-authored Sharing The Care. Lyn writes the syndicated column The Caregiver’s Caregiver™.  Visit website www.thecaregiverscaregiver.com for more information or call 800-596-2455.

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©Journey Publications 2008