Mom has been in the same nursing home for 6 years now. I have found that if I don't go over there at least twice a day to check on her, things aren't getting done or at the very least just basic care for the resident.
I have found her call light on the floor or somewhere away from her reach. Her teeth not brushed mornings or the evenings. Lunch time maybe them forgetting her tray so she doesn't eat. Her mug of water being exchanged for one bigger..that she can't pick up.Too heavy so she can't drink even water.
I have been very stressed lately because Mom had fallen and broke her leg in 2 places.Now she has a soft cast on to immobilize the leg and sometimes when I go in, it is all the way down to her toes.
Maybe I am just asking to much.
I found reviewing her Meds that there were 8 meds that needed to be discontinued... got with the D.O.N and she agreed then talked with the DR. I am not in the medical field. But after she was off all the extra meds she was talking again and wanting to have people stop in.
I have 2 Businesses I run....and always am there at least a couple times at the nursing home to make sure Mom is alright, dry and has eaten some form of food. If not I will get her what she wants and needs.
I must tell you that I worked as an aide in the ALZ unit for 2 years just so I could help my Mom better and try to understand this awful disease better, as I work with her each day. This was hard to do while working a fulltime job too.
I thank you for listening...I am going to move Mom to another nursing home as soon as there is an opening. One that at least will take care of basic care for the residents and aides that have compassion and make sure the residents have their call lights in case they need help.
Your fortitude in giving your mother's nursing home the benefit of the doubt for so long is amazing! They are extremely fortunate you did not report them to your state's Department of Health and Hospitals or similar agency. What you describe is out of range for even minimal appropriate care and the decision to move your Mom out of there is a sound one.
She is so lucky to have you! To be so committed to your mother's care that you have even gone as far as working in the Alzheimer's unit in addition to your normal work schedule.......... that is above and beyond the call of duty. What an incredible amount you must have learned in the process.
Is your mother's doctor aware of what is going on? It might be a good idea to let him know that the nursing home is not keeping up with medication changes and medical orders. Perhaps he has other patients there as well who may not have family members as vigilant as you have been.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my posting. In your reply you wondered if Mom's Doctor knew of the basic care shortfalls; such as bath care, feeding, oral hygeine, call lights, telephone plaement, and etc.
What we have experienced is that after 6 years in a nursing home, Mom doesn't have a primary care physician anymore. The "Medical Director" of the nursing home and his partner make rounds once a week. This same group is also involved with other nursing homes in the area. They seem to breeze through and see each patient about 10 minutes a week, saying, "Hi how are we doing?...You're looking well. Any complaints? See you next vist." Then send a bill for $60 to medicare/medicaid and move on to the next nursing home.
It has been a frustraing situation to be treated as an overwrought family member who is outside the medical profession and nursing home chain of command; and has no weight on any issue. So, largely I am ignored.
It was when we started writing letters to the Director of the home, notifying him in writing of situations (and keeping a file copy) that management finally started to direct staff in a professional, medical care facily, manner.
Now is seems that for a day or two staff members will attend to the need/tasks that Mom has but after a few days the inertia of old work habits prevails and the level of care goes right back down.
So, now we are on a waiting list for the next available bed, in two different facilities, which still may take months. In long term skilled care you have to wait for a vacant bed.
What if we hired a private duty nurse/aid and billed the nursing home for it? Or, contacted Social Security for a nurse to visit her "at home" which now is the nursing home?
Your mom is lucky you are there to watch out for her and see to her care. What you describe is unfortunately fairly common.
You're also right that a private duty nurse might be one solution to this dilemma in terms of ensuring that your mom gets good care, but I somehow doubt that you will be able to bill the nursing home. Likewise, I don't know if Social Security can be persuaded to send a visiting nurse to the nursing home and consider it an "at home" visit, but it's worth a try.
Writing letters and creating a paper trail about the deficits in care that you see in the current facility is the best way to create change. You're on the mark! While waiting for a new place, I would write a letter each time you see the staff slip back into neglectful patterns in a letter addressed to the director informing him/her of what you saw with a "CC" (copy) to whatever city or state agency oversees the home.
Oh my heart ACHES---it is just WRONG----I am an lpn --not working because of the lack of care being given & the POOR attitude of the D.O.N.--they don't want to hear anything negative--as far as the state--ours does not have the $ or staffing to do anything--all inspectios are expeted & only during the 9-3 hrs.
As far as nursing goes all the D.O.N. cares about is the meds gettng out--& trust me there are a LOT to pass.
Keep doing what you are doing--maybe go on diiferent at different times maybe on your way to work----keep them guessing keep the paper trail know that you are doig the right things. GOD BLESS YOU & YOURS
Thank you Ann and Linda for your kindness and thoughts on this matter.
I just had got back from Moms and believe me today was a very good Day! I am so happy and it seems to me that they are doing better ...not in all areas but doing better. They LPN nurses that I talk with are all but fed up with the paper work and aides not doing what their job duties are in any given shift. It will get better...I am a Positive thinker.
Hi,
just thought I would stop in and read the boards and hope everyone is well. My prayers are with the family members and their loved ones. Today my husband and I went over to the nursing home and waited for them to transport Mom to the Dr. office for xrays. She fell and had broken 2 places in and around her knee....then her knee re-placement is unstable as well...
The DR. had 15 patients who also had a 1:00 appt. I had packed a sandwich and fruit and drink for mom...we were there for 3 hours. I usually take depends a change of clothes and wipes with me. I look like a pack mule...carting everything. You have to have some humor,I decided.
I called the nursing home and they said they would have her bed ready and they did. They are now in the process of hiring more aides and starting to turn things around there. for now. I hope. I had a chance to speak with the CEO of the whole campus and I think he really heard my pleas. I think God is watching over this too....helping all these people who don't have a voice or family there. God Bless
It is just powerful to see your positive energy and persistent care in the face of nursing home staff who are failing to act responsibly on such basic matters.
Uncle Sam is a good guy who is behind you in a big way on this one. He set up a U.S. government agency to help SPECIFICALLY with the problem you are facing. You can go to their website by clicking on:
From now on, each time you send a letter to the nursing home, simply add the words:
Copy sent to:
National Long Term Care Ombudsman
You will see the staff become a lot more attentive and stay much more attentive to your poor mom.
Call the Ombudsman and get the name and address of someone there. Include their name and address to the "Copy sent to" line on your letters to the nursing home. It will make your letters to the nursing home that much stronger.
Just wanted to suggest two other links that might also be useful here...
One is actually a link to an organization called "SHIP" which offers counseling on health insurance and nursing care issues. You can reach that by clicking here. They are very knowledgeable and can probably also give you good advice.
The other possibility would be to contact the Nursing Home Evaluator at Medicare.org. You can reach the site by clicking here. At the bottom of the page on this site is a contact button, "Contact us." I would suggest you send them an email describing what's going on and just get some feedback as to what can be done to change the picture.
Hi, Thank you for the connections and I will add this to our Documentation. I know we can't possibily be the only family going thru this. I go in only expecting good each day or at least try to. I am on my way again before work and Mom had sounded good on the phone...Great news! She had said that the aides were coming in more often.... More good news! It is going to be a possitive day today and I hope everyone elses is too. Have a Blessed day everyone. Thanks again Ann.
Dear Ann,
Thank you and the people here for their many posts. Mom was just admitted to the Hospital from her fall in the nursing home and the two fractures in around her knee. I always ask questions while I am at the nursing home. aThis time I asked the nurses to please check out the swelling at her feet and bottom of her legs. They did and said they would keep an eye on it. Well, the next few days I kept an eye on her legs too. I finally said call the Doctor, they did and one of the nurses called for a ultra sound then another test. I ask them to call the Doctor. He said You can start her on blood thinner here at the home or send her to Hospital ER. I jumped on sending her to the hospital. Found out my Mom had extensive blood clots going up her right leg and many more in her vena cava and inher other leg. Now my Mom is going into Plalitive confort care and not expected to live very long. Next I have to talk with Hospice. Mom is getting very good care and I am with her daily and at night.The only thoughts I have at this time is that I have been and always believe you have got to be your Moms advocate at all times. If she had not gone to the ER to get at least regulated on heparin then coumatin I might not have had at least this extra time with my loving Mom. I don't know how much time we have only God does.I bless these wonderful people that have confort care for her and many others...Bless them. Thank you again for listening and God bless your site for all of us.
Being comfortable and knowing she is with the one she loves and who loves her is a central need in a person's life -- one that you have supremely met.
It must be a great relief to know your mother is in a place where the staff is attentive, caring and knowledgeable about how to properly care for your mother.
She is so very lucky to have you. May her days and nights -- and yours -- be filled with peace and blessings.
Hi Ann, it is now May2008. Mom is getting great care and is comfortable in her surroundings. My daughter and I see Mom each day or evening and talk to her at least twice a day on the phone. We make sure thru friends and family she has visitors each and e ery day. Happy Days only for her is my wishand plenty of warm smiles and lots of love surrounding her. I am very blessed to have Mom still and she knows all of us even though she is in last stages of ALZ and Terminal with the massive blood clot going up her leg and all thru her stomach.
I wanted to write to you again to pass on some info into what has been going on with me. I have had to go to a heart DR.my family DR. and even an endodontist. I just began to fall apart my body hurting thought I was having deep chest pains, my jaws,eyes,all over this body of mine. Thanks to my DRS. it seems thru all this it is Stress. I thought I could do and deal with this but I can't.Losing my brother just a short while ago and now Mom(IN HER STATE) I am reaching out to the Hospice team and working with them.
i WILL BE BACK.Thank you Ann, Sandra
You demonstrate such strength... as your mom's advocate.... thank goodness for that, as you clearly spelled out what COULD easily have happened, had you not made the decision you did, on your mom's behalf.
I pray for all who must face this sort of heartache and do their best to speak for there LOs.
Thank you for your update(s) and take care of yourself.
The most important thing to know, is when enough is enough. I am so glad to hear you are working it out with the hospice team.... keep me posted. We are thinking of you.
Hi to everyone,
My Mom is happy where she is now.We make sure she has fresh flowers and a few silk ones too. Many pictures of family and friends. My daughter and I rotate the pictures and also video Mom and her soft voice and laughter. Mom is forgetting now alot ....but we are there to make happy days each day not to tell her she has forgotten seeing us in the morning or evening that day.This is very hard to see Mom go even futher with this ALZ and the massive clots, not knowing when the last kiss or smile will be. I just know she is in Gods hands. I had found out that it wasn't my heart going crazy the tests showed it is good. Just stress.I am trying hard to just be happy with each day with Mom. I am really thankful for all the time we share.My husband is a wonderful man and shares many times with my Mom and I.
Moms' circulation is bad showing up in her toes...her nails are turning black on her feet. Sores are starting to show up, her skin is breaking down.Mom has been bed bound for so long now. We had got her a bed buddy turning her every 2 hours.At least she is still eating.I am sorry, I will tell you a wonderful thing that happened a few weeks ago with Mom and I. I asked the aides to holst her up out of bed while I held her legs...and we got her into a wheel chair(she can't bend her leggs any more} and adjusted the foot holders so her legs would go straight out in front and off we went...I took her outside in a beautiful rose garden and got to enjoy all the roses, a sunny day and beautiful moments with my Mom holding her hand and talking about Dad and the family.Holding on to Mom is most important to me and holding her hand is important to her and hugging her each day.My daughter, layes down with her and gives her big bear hugs and kisses each morning and thru out the day. We all are blessed! Thanks for having this site....Ann
Hospice is doing a wonderful caring job as well
This is July already....time is going by to fast....I will make the most of it.
Folks in the 12-Step programs are lucky enough to know what it often takes the rest of us a lifetime to learn, and that is to take each day as it comes, to say "Just for today..." and "One Day at a Time."
I know one of the toughest things in the world for you right now must be saying goodbye to your Mom every time you leave her, never knowing if you will see her smiling again or not. There is no way to change that reality; it is a fact that we all come to a time when we have to say goodbye.
Sometimes we are fortunate enough to be able to say that in person, and to have the person we say it to, still be able to understand and say it back -- and sometimes we have to make our peace we saying that goodbye to them in a more "virtual" manner, through the spiritual realm instead. It is impossible to know which way it will go for anyone, until that time arrives.
I hope and pray that when it is time for your mother to leave this world and enter the next, that she does so with a peaceful serenity and that you are there to see it, so that you will never have any doubt that it was so. And until that time, may your time together continue to provide you with the happiness I sense in your posting. The strength of that love you have for your dear Mom is what has allowed you to hang in there through all this tough time, with all the oh-so-difficult things you have had to see and watch... It will keep you going through the rest of it too.
My dad has only been in a nursing home for two weeks and the neglect is unbelievable!
Dear Ann,
My dad has been in two facilities in two weeks. I am helping my mom move him one more time within a day or two. I cannot sleep for worry. He was restrained in the first home that he resided in "for his own safety". Dad was constantly up and down, over and over, calling for my mother, rubbing a sore on the backs of his legs from standing and sitting over and over. The day that our family committed to having my dad placed in a nursing home, my mother was hospitalized with heart failure. That was two weeks ago today. I am a long distance "emotional" caregiver. I call my parents every day to see how things are going. Sometimes I feel like my calls are stressful for my mom and my dad. Dad's end of the conversation had diminished to one minute or less. He was no longer able to form sentences or cope with his own inability to communicate. The neglect at both nursing homes are: lack of teeth brushing, hair combing, showering, shaving, toileting, feeding, or even answering his calls for help. I know that institutions are not ever going to be like home, but I wonder what it takes just to get the bare minimal care necessary to survive.
I suppose that the old saying, "You get what you pay for" may hold true in that we just keep readjusting financing and options by moving dad to more and more expensive places. We will pray that the one that we found today will prove to be better. My dad deserves more than he has received in the past two weeks of nursing home life. It doesn't seem like much of a life at all. Will catch up soon, and read more about the lives of other AD families such as our own.
Blessings,
Audrey
There is no excuse whatsoever for the neglect you have described, and you should report what you have seen to the appropriate authorities so that at least others won't have to suffer the way your poor Dad has.
If you go to the top of the page on this site, and click on LINKS, you will see a category called CAREGIVING. Click on that, and then on COMPARING FACILITIES. About halfway down that page is a link to the National Ombudsman, where you can file a complaint -- and I would.
There are also sites where you can request referrals for recommended places instead, with references.
In addition, you can also click on the LEGAL category to get information about your legal options -- and there is a link to the National Ombudsman there as well.
Don't give up, and don't walk away from holding these places responsible for their neglectful treatment of your father. Things only change when all of us stand up together and refuse to accept unacceptable behavior.
Please let me know how things work out and whether the links on our site have been helpful to you, ok? Hope to also hear good news about your Mom's health soon,
Nursing Home Care - Fighting Nursing Home Neglect
Nursing Home Care - Fighting Neglect
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